BLOG: Shark Week is For EVERYONE
You know how this guy feels about double rainbows? “Oh my godddd.” That is how I feel about SHARK WEEK. And seriously, WHO DOESN’T? Awful people, that’s who. There is something for everyone. Allow me to count the ways.
Feminists, did you know that female sharks can get pregnant without ever touching a male? Seriously. It’s called parthenogenesis, and it’s awesome.
Darwinists, shark embryos have been known to literally eat their unborn brothers and sisters until just one shark remains. That’s what we know as intrauterine cannibalism.
Historians, remember that event called World War II? Well, get ready for this. As WWII was drawing to a close, on July 30, 1945, the USS Indianapolis was struck by two Japanese torpedos in the Phillippine Sea, stranding nearly 900 sailors for four days. Sharks attacked. Only 316 people lived. It was absolutely horrific – and historic.
Astronomers, I have the nugget of all nuggets for you. The moon’s control of the oceans' tides can actually affect sharks’ feeding habits to the point that attacks on humans increase during certain lunar phases. Seriously.
Athletes, you have to know how to defend yourself from a shark attack…or at least know which gym classes to avoid after Shark Week. Boxing classes may be a bit full after seeing a healthy dose of shark attacks because a solid punch to the face can make a shark to let go of your leg during an attack.
Lushes (I know you're out there), the Discovery Channel has a whole page of SHARK SHOTS for different occasions such as “The Forbidden Bite” or “The Lime Assault.” Make Shark Week an excuse for a celebration!
Comedians, this stuff is golden. Take it from Tracy Jordan – “Live every week like it’s shark week.”
Music lovers, Tokyo Police Club know what I’m talking about!
I REST MY CASE.
Now please join me in enjoying Shark Week 2010 – all week on the Discovery Channel. Hit up their website for not only the shark shot recipes, but tons of fun facts, photos, games, A LIVE SHARK CAM (who will even remember puppy cam after this???), and the whole schedule of insanely amazing programming.
HEY EVERYONE, YOU’RE WELCOME.
